Life On A B-I7

Journal Entry (Monday December 26, 2022)

How do you maximize your quality of life and still love your cat? As John Maynard Keynes put it, the man who is always looking forward “does not love his cat, but only his cat’s kittens; nor in truth the kittens, but only the kittens' kittens, and so on forward forever to the end of cat-dom." So to love your cat, (and your life?) you need to take a slightly different approach. You need to realize you will never get every aspect of your life and work fully dialed-in. If you can make this intellectual leap, you’ll have time to love the cat you have now, and likely lots of other things too…

Journal Entry (Sunday December 25, 2022)

Two nights ago I was lucky enough to attend the Seattle Men’s Chorus Christmas Concert. It was such a joyous event. The music was terrific and the sing-along was so much fun. The house was full of energy and it felt like everyone that was there was sharing in the spirit of the event and the holiday. It was the perfect way to bring 2022 to a close. I don’t feel like describing all the things that made this last year sub-optimal, but the year in reflection took on a happier note after having attending the concert. I think that’s the answer. Times may be difficult (when are they not) but as long as we look for opportunities to view the passage of time in a positive light, there is hope that we can move forward and bring more of that positive light into the world.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Journal Entry (Saturday December 24, 2022)

I met someone last night that reads my blog! (Apparently you do too, but the odds are these people are one-and-the-same…) I was surprised. I really did not expect to ever find someone that reads this stuff. My message has always been, I do this for myself. Perhaps that’s clear from some of my previous entries. This is not a novel. In fact, I can’t say there is a real point to any of this — other than the aforementioned selfish reasons. I take that back. Having a blog keeps me off Facebook and Twitter. (My parents told me not to believe everything I saw on TV, now I tell them not to believe everything they see on Facebook. (1) ) You probably will not be surprised (coming from me anyway) when I say those two platforms for social engagement are two of the most toxic inventions humankind has ever devised. I suppose about now you’re thinking, “he’s off his rocker.” Maybe I am. On the other hand, if you stop and think about it for any length of time, I’ll bet there is a small part of you that will agree with me. Back to my story about my lone reader. We attended the Seattle Men’s Chorus Christmas Concert last night. First of all, what are the odds I would attend an event and not know my companion was a follower of this blog. On the other hand, it seems likely someone that knows me well enough to spend the evening at a concert with me would have abandoned this blog long ago. There simply is no accounting for taste. Please don’t take that to mean you don’t have good taste, I’m sure you have excellent taste, just not when it comes to this particular blog.

It’s Christmas Eve, so I’m going to cut myself some slack. I believe if you hang in there and continue to read, in time, you will stumble across an entry that will be worth your time reading…

(1) I stole that joke, obviously, since my parents departed before Facebook became a “thing.”

Journal Entry (Friday December 23, 2022)

Yesterday I went in for a stress echo cardiogram test. I was instructed to strip to the waist and lie down so they could attach the electrical leads to my chest. The technician looked at me and said, “it looks like you work out.” I laughed and said, “compared to what?!”

Journal Entry (Thursday December 22, 2022)

I did one of those treadmill stress echo tests this morning. It kindof knocked the crap out of me. I came home and slept for two hours. It doesn’t hurt that the cat was on the bed with me. I sleep better when he’s there, almost as well as when my sweetheart is there. I read recently that you need to write every day and have a blog in order to “be a writer.” Obviously that’s not all there is to it. I believe you actually have to be able to say something from time-to-time. That’s the hard part really. Take this blog post for example, is this good writing? Very little of me thinks that it is, but a small part of me wants to think that it is. I suppose a small part of me is allowed to be right, even if it’s not… I could be writing about important matters. For example, I have a relative that thinks the 2020 election was fraudulently stolen and the wrong man is sitting in the White House. Now there is something truly serious and important to write about, but all I’m doing is chatting about my own personal interests and aspirations. The only reason I can give you for that is I like to focus my energy where it has a chance of doing some good (in this case, on myself) not where I’m pretty sure it is going to be ignored.

Journal Entry (Wednesday December 21, 2022)

Why I write. I suppose the best answer to that question (I realize that’s not really a question, rather an imperative) is because it makes me feel good. It is a form of therapy I suppose (1). Little doubt really. It settles me, grounds me, whatever that means. I enjoy it and it gives me peace. I’ve been doing it now on a daily basis for over four years (2). I rarely miss a day. That’s really saying something I think. I would like to be able to tell you one earth-shattering thing that would convince you (and me) that it has changed me dramatically, but I can’t. It has changed me and it hasn’t. I’m still the same person I always was, just a bit better in some subtle ways. A bit more self-aware, a bit more willing to be just a bit nicer, occasionally. More content, and maybe (although there is no strong evidence for this point) a better writer (3)(4)(5). One other thing, I don’t spend as much time watching NFL Football as I did before I started writing…

(1) That is exactly when I started writing. My therapist (she called herself a counselor because she wasn’t licensed as a therapist strictly speaking) told me to start writing and to read what I wrote when I came in for our visits. I discovered from that experience there was more going on inside of me than I realized.
(2) Rest assured I spare you most of what I produce, and that is a good thing.
(3) You should see the crap I used to write.
(4) I have taken quite a shine to using footnotes. I think it’s a great way to append after-thoughts that you are too lazy to go back and find a way to incorporate into the main text…
(5) I’ll try not to do this too often…

Journal Entry (Tuesday December 20, 2022)

I have probably told this story before, but that doesn’t mean it can’t bear repeating. I tried a few online dates before you and I met. None were satisfying. Then I realized it wasn’t the fault of the women I had tried to date — the problem was with me, or, to be a bit more specific, with me and the dating site’s search algorithm. It dawned on me that I really had no idea what was being served up to me because I was not being clear with my search criteria. I realized that to meet the woman of my dreams I was going to have to be a good bit more specific about what it was I was looking for! To that end I decided it was time to overhaul my search criteria. To accomplish that, I went into the search settings and unchecked every option. There were several options checked I didn’t even know were there, as well as a few that made no sense whatsoever. After completing the removal of every search criteria, I checked the box for “skiing.” The rest is history. (1) (2)

(1) I love this story as much for the technology lesson as I do for the outcome, which is to have met the love of my life. I realize some of you might think this is a stupid way to approach such an important subject, to you, all I can say is, it worked.

(2) I love this story so much I think I will publish it annually to commemorate your birthday. I will publish it on a random date in the winter to protect your privacy and as a nod to that first ski date, which is itself deserving of its’ own story.

Journal Entry (Monday December 19, 2022)

“What can I get you? I have Beer, Bourbon, and Blessings. You can have any two you’d like.”

Journal Entry (Wednesday December 14, 2022)

The Universe is under no obligation to make sense to you. Those are not my words, those are the Universe’s words.

Journal Entry (Tuesday December 13, 2022)

As soon as I start writing in the journal
I feel better.

I don’t know what it is about setting pen on paper
and scribbling.

I rarely know what the result will be
when I begin.

I don’t think that’s the point, or,
maybe it is.

Maybe it is my inner self waiting to see
what I will come up with.

Journal Entry (Monday December 12, 2022)

You are free to say whatever I agree with, but if you say something I don’t agree with you should be censored. Did I get that right?

Journal Entry (Sunday December 11, 2022)

I’m here because I love this place, not because I want to change it.

Journal Entry (Saturday December 10, 2022)

I made the correct moral ethical choice and I returned the grocery cart to the cart corral thus confirming that I am indeed a good person.

Journal Entry (Friday December 9, 2022)

The question of what constitutes moral and ethical behavior can be condensed very simply, as explained by Samuel Beckett.

Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

Journal Entry (Thursday December 8, 2022)

I know I promised you last night I would bring my kitty over to your house so you could watch him for a couple of days while I go out of town… but something has come up. Specifically, the two of us (myself and kitty) sat down last night to discuss the matter (it’s only fair that he know in advance what is in store for him) once aprised of the plan he became quite animated, and made it clear to me he was not in favor of that decision, he made it clear he wanted to accompany me on the trip. (More on that below.)

I am well aware this presents me with a moral ethical dilemma of significant proportions. In order to help guide me to the proper resolution, I picked up — it just so happens yesterday, coincidentally — a copy of the book “How to be Perfect: The Correct Answer to Every Moral Question.” I’m sure that somewhere in this work is the answer to the question on how best to keep promises. Sadly though I’m just beginning to read the introduction at this point, so while this may be of help to me at some point in the near future, sadly it is of no help to me this morning. My common sense (such that I have) tells me the answer to this dilemma is that I can only address breaking a promise by apologizing and somehow making amends. As a result, I have landed on the decision to make a new promise. So here goes: I promise, promise, promise (notice that is a triple promise, which now places my credibility squarely on the line) that I will bring him over for a play-date after I return from this trip.

All I have to go on at the moment in terms of resolving this dilemma is the conversation of last night with my feline friend and subject of this apology. I won’t go into all the details, he can be not only charming, but very persuasive as well. Suffice to say he made it very clear he wanted to accompany me on this trip. I think it is charming really, how attached is is to me. Please don’t think for a second this has anything to do with me. The very notion that I am taking him with me because I would miss him is laughable. The notion that I would miss having him sitting on my lap, or sleeping snuggled up next to me, or generally following me around keeping his “close eye” on me is, frankly, nonsense. And please don’t think the enjoyment I pretend to get by stroking his chin and petting him measured into this decision in any way…

I’m only doing this because he has insisted that is what I should do, otherwise of course, I would have followed through with my promise to you both without hesitation.

Journal Entry (Saturday November 19, 2022)

I’m a slow reader. I say each word to myself as I read. Not recommended. I’m also a slow writer. So what, at least I read and write. It feels to me sometimes like I might be in a minority. What is the point? I’m not sure there is a point. Will my reading convince me to change my vote (for example). No. Will my writing convince you to change your vote. Not likely. So again, what is the point. The point is, it’s good for my soul.

I recommend everyone do something that is good for their soul. You’ll feel better. Remember, when you do good things, you feel good, when you do bad things you feel bad. So do as much good as you can. Feed your soul, even if it causes you to write embarrassing shit. If you’re like me and can’t write a lick, work on your handwriting. Find a pen that is comfortable and writes well, and go at it. When I try and make my handwriting beautiful, it makes me feel even better. So give it a try, feed your soul and do good things.

Journal Entry (Friday November 18, 2022)

It is unusual for me to wander into the topic of religion, I do it here with no small amount of hesitancy. In the end, I’m getting older and less afraid to speak my mind. Does that make me wiser? Does that mean you should believe what I say? Probably not (either one). It is up to each of us to determine for ourselves what we will and will not believe, and what evidence or rationale we will use to believe the things we choose to believe.

the Bible is a collection of stories written by men. Yes you say, men inspired by god. I question that. Knowing what I do about men, I suspect they may have had motives that were not always pure. Make a point here, justify a position there. What does “inspired” mean if the words we have been given in the Bible are used to justify slavery, or white supremacy, or war, or any other form of abominable behavior that man is capable of pepertrating. I know how the argument goes for believing in the Bible. “You must have faith.” Faith that the editors of the Bible had not a single ulterior motive. Faith that they were all divinely guided and never strayed from god’s truth. I suspect that is what it would take, it also makes them puppets, it removes that cherished religious notion of free will. I don’t believe that line of reasoning for a second.

Let’s look briefly at the history of slavery. The Bible has been used to both justify and condemn Slavery. Can you really have your cake and eat it too? Who is right and who is wrong? Why do we have a Bible that could even allow the semblance of an interpretation that would be used to justify one of history’s greatest atrocities? I suspect someone might respond, “but I don’t want to live in a world without god.” You can keep your god if you like, if that helps you determine right from wrong. But don’t try and tell me that slavery, or white supremacy, or war, or any other number of anti-social behaviors is justified by your god and the Bible he has given you. I’m not buying.

Journal Entry (Thursday November 17, 2022)

Journal Entry (Wednesday November 16, 2022)

I write poetry
like a computer programmer.

Short, crisp,
following a plan
but not always intuitive.

It sometimes reaches a point
where I don’t know where it is.
I have to stop and wonder
oh yes, that’s what all this means.

Journal Entry (Tuesday November 15, 2022)

It’s the Ides of November. I feel a little bit drained. Quite honestly I think it stems from my writing. I have been writing about subjects of such seriousness and importance, subjects so critical to society and our future that it is taking a bit of a toll on my emotional perspective.

The problem is, I don’t know what else to write about. You will no doubt have noticed that this entry is an attempt to change the subject, while stating the obvious, you will also notice I haven’t really moved off of the subject, all I’ve done is change the direction from which I’m peering at it.

With that in mind, I’m going to try and shift gears. As I ponder what has been going on emotionally, I realize I have been spending too much time thinking and not enough time doing. I need to get on my bike and ride, go skiing, or go for a hike. I’m going to make time for one of those tomorrow and then (hopefully) write about that. I’m going to try and change my focus for a day.

But since it is still today, let me get just a bit more of this out of my system. I don’t know how journalists and the serious media talking heads do it. It’s a mystery to me how they manage to do what they do day-in and day-out, without completely losing their perspective. Perhaps it’s not possible, perhaps that explains FOX. It could be my imagination, but I think I have detected a shift across the board. Regular guests on CNN and MSNBC have gotten more direct and passionate in expression of their views over the last few months than they were, say, a year ago. Gradually radicalized. I have even noticed this in some of the smarter and more intelligent pundits.

In an attempt to wrap up this (whatever this is) in a manner that is a bit more positive, I think it’s best if I just go clean the garage now. Somewhere out there I will discover something to write about that is not apocalyptic in nature. Maybe, or I might be reminded of the beautiful set of 1/2” wrenches that were stolen out of the back of my truck earlier this week. I don’t think I’ll mention that because it would be too difficult not to weave in a story about the end of civilization. On a different note, I have been enjoying the World Series, even though the evil team is winning. If your detecting irony now, it’s not my fault, I think you need to work on your emotional health.

Journal Entry (Monday November 14, 2022)

It is with a fair bit of reluctance that I share these thoughts about Twitter. I don’t really care if it survives the Musk takeover or not. I have sympathy for the laid off workers and I hope they all find work soon, at better companies. I think Musk is getting what he deserves, a struggling company that he has no clue how to run, and likely is heading it towards becoming worse, not better. Even though he is telling advertisers he does not want Twitter to become a “hellscape,” I think his statements and antics are sending a very different message. In short, if I were an advertiser I would do exactly what many seem to be doing, abandon the platform..

Twitter has become a platform for the rich and powerful, for robots and foreign actors, and even for a fair share of just plain clinically disturbed people. I never used Twitter myself, and I’m actually quite proud of that fact. (I’m old and I also don’t use Facebook, so there’s that to be proud of as well.) If you’re asking yourself why am I writing this, the answer is simple. I enjoy writing, and Musk and Twitter are low hanging fruit. Perhaps one day I’ll be good enough to write about more important stuff, until then this is good practice. I try not to be hateful. I try not to anger people. I suppose if you are a huge Twitter fan (or clinically disturbed) this could make you angry, but that’s not my intent. You see, I just like to write, and I find it satisfying to put my thoughts out here for the world to see. Ironically of course, this is a corner of the internet with very low traffic, almost zero in fact, but I still find it satisfying.

Journal Entry (Sunday November 13, 2022)

Warning: Political Message Ahead

Let’s focus on the issues. What are we doing about climate change (for example). Let the Republican Party take care of themselves. Don’t try and make me “angry” just so you can get a donation. Angry is what Republicans want me to be. Let’s not play their game, they are way ahead of everyone on that score. Let’s focus on what we can do to make our country a better place for all people, regardless of their skin color or ethnic background.

Journal Entry (Saturday November 12, 2022)

Ruth Bader Ginsburg said…

“Fight for the things you care about, but do it in a way that leads others to join you.”

What we are experiencing today in our society is something more along the lines of:

“Fight for the things you care about, and do it in a way that angers others enough to join you.”

Journal Entry (Friday November 11, 2022)

Why do I write this trash anyway? The only real answer I can give is because I enjoy doing it. At least for now that is reason enough.

For me, there is something very satisfying about taking the time to do this. It really is a matter of taking the time. It is intentional, and it certainly prevents me from doing other things. I don’t know what those other things might be, but life is, no question, about choices, there is no denying that.

I don’t really think of the writing here as “trash.” It certainly isn’t up to the standards of say Edward Abbey, a true writing hero of mine. I suppose what I hope to gain out of this, and it will take a long time, is the ability to be more expressive. That is a skill that can only be acquired with practice. I would like to be able to go on a hike someday, and describe the experience in a way that would make you feel like you are there with me. I’m not there yet. We shall see. The ultimate goal would be to describe that hike in a way that Edward Abbey would appreciate. That might be a bit of a stretch goal.

There is another benefit I have to acknowledge, when I’m engaged in writing, I’m relaxed. That’s important. Not relaxed enough mind you, I’m learning to relax when I’m doing this. My hope is I will eventually reach a sort of zen-like state when I’m writing. An odd goal perhaps, but I think if I learn how to do that, my writing will be able to transcend the more-or-less mundane form that it takes today and perhaps become a legacy of sorts. We shall see.

Journal Entry (Thursday November 10, 2022)

I have become aware, almost suddenly, that most of my recent writing here has had a certain gloomy, if not down right pessimistic bent. I apologize. I should be writing more about my loved ones and my cat. Believe me, I’m aware of that.

That’s not to say I’m going to really do that. I know most of my readers don’t have any interest in my cat, ok maybe my daughters, they love Mr. Tux almost as much as I do, but they are the exception. By the way, when I say most of my readers, I have to acknowledge in truthfulness, the only time someone reads a post here is when I read it too them, and I have to ask several times before I get permission to do that.

Since I can safely assume writing about my cat is off the table (even for those of you gracious enough to let me read to you) perhaps I should take a different approach, one that is a bit more visual…