Life On A B-I7

Wednesday March 15, 2023 (Journal Entry)

It’s been awhile since I have written anything here. Ten days to be exact. That seems like a long time to me. I’ve been wondering the last few days why has it been that long. The best answer is that I’ve been preoccupied with other matters. Important matters, but matters too boring in nature to write about. What is interesting to me is how easily we can be diverted from the things that bring us joy and pleasure if we allow events to distract us.

Sometimes when I sit down to write (I do that daily even if it doesn’t show up here) I have a clear idea of what I am going to say. Other times, I have no idea, this is one of those other times. I’ll admit, it is strange to try and write when you have no idea what is about to come out of your head… At the moment it’s just about making connections and allowing those connection to lead me somewhere.

Where that is leading me at the moment, is an examination of why I write. Writing brings me joy and pleasure. To be perfectly honest (with myself) I’m also compelled to do it. I can’t completely explain that. It is partially a hope that occasionally I will come up with something to be proud of. It’s also a necessary therapy. Who I am is a big part of my urge to write, or to be slightly more precise, discovering who I am is a big part of my urge to write. It’s’ a journey of discovery. It also stems from a desire to leave a mark somewhere that says “I was here,” even if there is no “here” and any mark one leaves is fleeting at best. I’ll be the first to admit that writing a good novel, or writing about some sort of discovery, or most any other subject for that matter, would be more interesting than writing a boring blog, but you have to go with what you know, and I know there’s no novel lurking inside of me.

If you’re still with me (I’m pretty sure I would not be if I were the one reading this) I also think that writing is good for your brain. I think it helps prevent “creeping brain deterioration”. That is a technical term. I don’t want to be one of those senile septuagenarians that can’t put two words together unless they were fed to him by someone on TV. Staying young and having thoughts that are mine alone, thoughts driven from within rather than dictated from without, is my goal. I wouldn’t necessarily say that more people should blog and fewer people should tweet, but I guess I just said that…

It comes down to this I suppose: this is my creativity. Creativity is an important ingredient for a satisfying life. It’s important to find some act that fulfills that need. Creativity can be integral to a rewarding life when it’s recognized and embraced. Besides all that, it’s just damn fun.

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)

I can’t believe how lucky I was to have found you. It amazes me every day. I am grateful to you for sharing your life with me. You are helping to give me the best years of my life.

Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)

Thank you for being a wonderful mother and giving me my two oldest daughters.

Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)

Thank you for being a wonderful mother and giving me my youngest daughter.

Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)

To my oldest daughter: I am grateful to be sharing this life with you. The joy you give me is beyond any I could possibly have imagined, or hoped for.

If time is a never ending river, I look forward to skiing with you for as long as the waters flow.

Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)

To my middle daughter: I am grateful to be sharing this life with you. The joy you give me is beyond any I could possibly have imagined, or hoped for.

If time is a never ending river, I look forward to hiking and camping with you for as long as the waters flow.

Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)

To my youngest daughter: I am grateful to be sharing this life with you. The joy you give me is beyond any I could possibly have imagined, or hoped for.

If time is a never ending river, I look forward to hanging out with you for as long as the waters flow.

Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)

To be a lifelong skier has brought me immeasurable joy. I cherish every day I am able to challenge the mountain. The mountain, like life, holds secrets that can never be fully revealed, but the challenge to try is always there.

Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)

Whenever I need to find peace and confidence, cycling gives me what I need. Cycling is my Zen. I love it as much as life.

Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)

Simply being in the outdoors is as much as anyone can ask for. I’m so grateful to nature for being there to sustain me and to lift me up.

Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)

I am grateful to all my friends and family. I marvel daily at how fortunate I am to have all of you in my life.

Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)

I am grateful for my cat. Pure happiness is the reward for loving a cat. I hope I have given you as much love as you have given me.

Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.

Journal Entry (Sunday March 5, 2023)

Love and wonder don’t cease at the boundaries of who we know and what we have accomplished in this life. Every day brings new connections, new loves, and new joys to join all the ones we carry with us.

Journal Entry (Tuesday February 21, 2023)

I recently received a letter from our Homeowner’s Association stating that I am out of compliance with Section 3, Sub-Section 7, of the HOA’s “Covenants, Conditions, and Restrictions.” When I first glanced at the letter all I saw was “CCR” and I immediately thought I was going to be reading a story about Creedence Clearwater Revival, no such luck. It turns out they were writing to complain about you! I did not realize that “black and white cats” are forbidden from being seen on any property within the HOA. I view this as discriminatory, and even predatory, but the plain truth is, I don’t have much of a leg to stand on. You see, HOAs are allowed to regulate just about anything they want to. Heaven forbid you should choose to lounge on top of my Toyota Tacoma, that would be double jeopardy, since “recreational vehicles” are not allowed to be seen inside of the HOA either. (I’m not sure how a passenger licensed vehicle can be considered “recreational,” but it is. It may have something to do with the hi-lift jack and spare wheel on the back, but I’ve seen spare wheels mounted on the back of RAV 4s, so it can’t possibly be that.) Anyway, I digress. I solved MY problem by parking my Tacoma outside the main gate, so EVERYONE has to drive by it and look at it on their way into the HOA! But back to you my furry friend. As a sign of how much I love you, I am NOT going to make you go outside the HOA just to sun yourself. I’m going to let you sit on the back patio where you are mostly concealed from view, it’s not as sunny I’ll admit, but your just going to have to deal with it, as I have…

Journal Entry (Monday February 20, 2023)

There are those that say you can’t have too many toys, but there is a practical limit for most people. The question is how to discover where the boundary on that limit lies. I may have reached it. When I go to my storage unit to look for outdoor gear (I have a storage unit for gear, that’s a clue) I don’t know where everything is. That’s not just an organization issue, it’s also a sign you may have too much “stuff.”

The trick is, not to die with too much stuff.

Ya. You don’t want to make your kids deal with all your shit. Alleviating this problem is also known as “Swedish Death Cleaning.” I don’t really think it can be said this is exclusively a “Swedish” practice. It makes a lot of sense regardless of where you might be from. The basic concept is to give all your stuff away before there is a need for your children to deal with it. Not only will they thank you (probably not posthumously, just to be clear) but death cleaning allows the recipients of your shit to make use of the gifted items sooner. My Sweetheart often chides me, “why do you have two of those?” Her intent is to point out to me the redundant nature of my purchasing habits. What she is REALLY doing is pointing out my purchasing DEFICIENCY. You see, I have three children… TWO of everything is not enough to make ALL my children feel appreciated when the time to distribute all my precious acquisitions.

For the record, I haven’t completed my “cleaning”. I still have a lot of shit that hasn’t been dealt with. I’m going to assume this is a good sign when it comes to my personal chances for longevity. Nevertheless, It’s probably not too soon to start thinking about where all my shit will eventually end up residing…

Journal Entry (Sunday February 19, 2023)

When I decide to do a solo bicycle tour, I ask myself, why? What is it I plan to accomplish? For me, the main reason comes down to the satisfaction derived from completing an epic adventure. The word “adventure” isn’t exactly right because I don’t think of it as an adventure in the sense that most people probably do. I would consider a true cycling adventure to be pedaling somewhere like Patagonia, or Turkey, or the Far East. It seems to me that a cycle tour of the U.S. (which is my plan) is certainly an adventure of a lesser degree. For sure, I view it as an accomplishment, an epic accomplishment. There are other reasons for doing this besides the feeling of accomplishment.

There is the experience itself. The riding. When you approach an undertaking like this with the right mindset, it can be a zen experience. For someone that would like to practice medication, but doesn’t know how (I’m trying) this is the easiest way to get into a zen state of mind. I find going solo for a period of time is refreshing and renewing. I’m the sort of person that is dedicated to the people I love, but I need time to rest and reflect and renew in order to be the best partner, father, friend, that I can be.

There is another reason to do a bicycle tour, to give me time to write. I love to write, but don’t confuse that with being a writer, or even wanting to be a writer. Being on a tour gives you built-in time ever day to write. It doesn’t hurt that each day presents no shortage of things to write about. When I finish the tour and have a collection of stories chronicling the journey, the stories become another accomplishment. An accomplishment almost as rewarding as the tour itself.

There is one more reason. I want to try and paint along the way. I’m not a painter. Don’t know how really. The idea of helping to tell the story through paintings just seems like it would be another epic accomplishment… It goes without saying that I will take lots of photos along the way. Of course photos can easily be used to supplement the written stories, but I like to think that hand paintings would be an even more intimate way of doing so.

There are other reasons to do an adventure like this, it’s different for everyone. These are just kind of my things.

Journal Entry (Saturday February 18, 2023)

There once was a man from Seattle.
He loved the city.
One day, he went into the mountains
For no particular reason.
It was a long time before he emerged.
When he did, he was changed.
He spoke to me in a way
I have never heard before.
The more he spoke to me
The more infatuated I became.
It wasn’t long before I found myself
In love with him.
The more we conversed
The deeper the love became.
I don’t think I can live without him…

A poem by Bing Chat

Journal Entry (Friday February 17, 2023)

Most people wont understand what I am about to say. The hardest part of taking three months out of my life to ride a bike across the country is missing the most important people in my life. It comes down to two, my sweetheart and my cat. (There are others, but for the sake of this story, we’ll keep it to two.) Which one I will miss more is not open to discussion, of course it will be my sweetheart. The problem that keeps haunting me is she understands what I’m doing, she is even going to meet me a couple of places along the way and at the end. My cat has no way of knowing that once I leave I will be coming back, and the longer I’m away, the more he will miss me.

Ah, I can hear you say “what makes you think he’ll miss you?” The answer is simple, he will. He waits at the door for me to return whenever I go out of the house. When I take a shower he lays by the shower door on my towel waiting for me to finish. He sleeps on the bed at my feet and occasionally he will even snuggle by my head. (That is unusual for a cat, even one as devoted as he is.)

I am thinking seriously about taking him with me, but he is an older cat (like me). I’m not sure he would have a good time and I’m not sure I can handle the extra weight. I’d have to pull him in a bike trailer. That combined with the panniers is probably just too much weight for me. Still, it makes me sad to think I’ll be away from him for such an extended period of time.

What does my sweetheart think about all this? She thinks I’m crazy. I can’t blame her. I will say in my defense, and to her credit, she brings him into the bed with us more often than I do, which I find charming as hell. That said, I’m sure she still thinks I’m a bit obsessed.

Deciding to go on this trip would be easy if it weren’t for the damn cat… But I love him and I’m seriously conflicted about all this.

Journal Entry (Sunday February 5, 2023)

We Welcome…
All Races
All Religions
All Countries of origin
All Sexual orientations
All Genders
All Abilities
We stand with you. You are safe here.

That was a sign in the window of my favorite bike shop in Seattle. When I went inside recently, I asked the person helping me if he was Bill. I was informed I was talking to Hannah. I apologized and we went on to have a great conversation about bike packing gear.

I don’t care if I was talking to Bill or Hannah, or anyone else for that matter, as long as they had good advice for me about bike packing gear.

I can’t help but think what a beautiful world we would all be living in if the words on that sign were words that everyone lived by on a daily basis…

Journal Entry (Saturday February 4, 2023)

I saw an interesting piece in “The Atlantic” about digital media. The premise is that today’s media has made performance artists out of all of us.

An interesting proposition.

The article was referring specifically to Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, et al., but it certainly raises an interesting question for me. Is this blog “performance art,” or is this genuine writing.

I have to admit I use the phrase “genuine writing” a bit tongue-in-cheek. It is my intention to be genuine, and to write as well as I am able, about subjects that I think are important, nevertheless, is this a form of “performance?”

I suppose I’m not the ultimate judge of that, but is it enough to say I don’t intend this writing to be performative…

Since no one reads this anyway, I suppose all of this is rather moot…

Journal Entry (Friday February 3, 2023)

I’m not breaking my promise to avoid political references… (see yesterday’s post) the following is much more than a political statement, it is a proposal for how we should all live our lives.

The genius of Marcus Aurelius is that not only as a leader, but also as an individual, he dispensed knowledge that all of us should consider taking to heart. I hope to incorporate the following into my daily practice.

“First thing every morning tell yourself: today I am going to meet a busybody, an ingrate, a bully, a liar, a schemer, and a boor. Ignorance of good and evil has made them what they are. But I know that the good is by nature beautiful and the bad ugly, and I know that these evil-doers are by nature my brothers, not by blood or breeding, but by being similarly endowed with reason and sharing in the divine. None of them can harm me, for none can force me to do wrong against my will, and I cannot be angry with a brother or resent him, for we were born into this world to work together like the feet, hands, eyelids, and upper and lower rows of teeth. To work against one another is contrary to nature, and what could be more like working against someone than resenting or abandoning him?”

Journal Entry (Thursday February 2, 2023)

I made a promise that I would not take up matters related to politics here, and I have every intention of keeping that promise, but let it be said in relation to that, if I were to renege, there would be no shortage of subjects and people to talk about. Some of those might be interesting, but a great number of them would be either idiotic or down right frightening. There is no shortage of either. I am currently reading a new translation of Marcus Aurelius’s “Meditations” by Scot Hicks and David Hicks. It is a brilliant book. Even though Marcus was one of Rome’s greatest Emperors, it is not a political book. It is about living your best possible life. The thing that is so truly impressive about him is what a good man he was.

Trying to decide who is the best person in history, or even who is the best person in a given century or decade is an impossible task, there are too many. If you look at those today who claim to be our leaders, you can easily pick out those that would never be mistaken for Marcus Aurelius. For my part, I will be happy to be identified simply as a person who carries no ill will for anyone.

Journal Entry (Wednesday February 1, 2023)

Then again, rather than try to explain what my daily practice of writing has done for me (yesterday’s post) I could have quoted Marcus Aurelius. His words are more eloquent, and also more succinct.

“Know that in time those things toward which we move come to be.”

“Bear in mind that the measure of a man is the worth of the things he cares about.”

“Leave the wrong with the person who did it.”

The message here, put very simply, is that actions follow thought.

Journal Entry (Tuesday January 31, 2023)

I am frequently amazed at the things that don’t bother me… It seems just a few short years ago this was not the case. I won’t list the things that used to bother me here, they are not important except as the inspiration for this reflection. The reason fewer things seem to bother me could be connected to the process of aging (which I prefer to think of instead as the process of maturing) but that is only part of the story. I think there is another reason, a more important reason. The more important reason I’m referring to is the change brought about by the practice of writing.

I’ve been writing almost daily now for over three years. I think the primary benefit has been in becoming more self-aware. I believe the practice of writing can change us. If you don’t write, you may not agree with that, I get it, but let me try to explain. When I started writing my first journal back in the fall of 2019, I realized it was fun and satisfying. That was a travel journal. It took about two months to complete. Once it was complete I just kept on writing. It wasn’t long before I was reaching down and starting to write about myself, that’s when the change began to occur, when self-awareness started to grow. But what does it mean to become more self-aware?

If you make yourself the topic of your own writing long enough, you begin to gain a conscious understanding of your character, your values, your beliefs, and your emotions. Keep writing, and at some point you start to become comfortable with these things. That’s when the magic occurs. As you begin to understand these things and become comfortable with them you begin to make better choices. So to return to my original point about fewer things bothering me, being self-aware has allowed me to make better choices. As the Stoic Marcus Aurelius said “choose not to be harmed - and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed - and you haven’t been.” Self-awareness is is an excellent path to making better choices possible. If writing isn’t your thing, I’m sure there are other paths to that goal…

…perhaps long-distance cycling?

Journal Entry (Monday January 30, 2023)

My Sweetheart skiing with Lindsey Vonn.